


Electric Current Under My Skin (Under His Skin)

by Just_East



Series: (We're Only) Human [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky remembers this mood, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve is in a mood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_East/pseuds/Just_East
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It felt like a current running silent in his veins until the very moment it wasn't silent anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Electric Current Under My Skin (Under His Skin)

**Author's Note:**

> This'll be a two parter. =3 And here I'm kinda describing a state I've been in lately, it's a bit hard to describe it when I've been talked down from it. (Really glad I'm not at the height of it anymore though. ^^")

It built up and itched under his skin.

It felt like a current running silent in his veins until the very moment it wasn't silent anymore.

Steve shut his door, leaning heavily against it. This couldn't happen. It had been years - _decades_ \- since he'd been like this.

His last memories of being like this were Brooklyn in 1941, a week after Bucky had announced he was being drafted. The first, god, he couldn't remember, must have been when he was still a kid, before he realized anything was off with him.

He couldn't be around anyone like this. 

He thought the serum had fixed it. Figured something was wrong with his brain and the serum would have fixed it. Maybe he should have realized that the serum would have amplified _this_ too.

Because it felt stronger. Where he might have snapped at someone and not felt bad about it, now he felt he might punch them with his all his strength and not feel a thing.

Maybe he'd just been too preoccupied for it to happen during the war or before now.

Now it had come back, a ball of fury and self loathing that burned low in his chest, aching in sync with the beating of his heart.

He felt like he wanted to jump out of his skin, like he _would_ jump out of his skin and claw someone's face off if they looked at him wrong. He felt like he was just as likely to start crying. He couldn't hold anything back, he was just so _angry_ and tired and _sad_. Helpless and hopeless and falling apart at the seems. What had all been okay, good even, yesterday were suddenly disasters doomed to failure.

One day he was confident in his post as Captain America, certain he could take on the challenge. Next he wanted scream and burn his uniform before it burned him; he had been doomed to mess up before he even began.

One day he was getting along great with his friends, the next, every single thing they did made him want to hurt them.

He couldn't be around anyone like this.

Not when he was likely to snap. It wasn't like 1937 when he was sick with pneumonia and could only feebly snap at Bucky. Even then, he never should have been around Bucky when he got like that. He _knew_ better. And the things he'd said to him.... Not like 1933 when he was fifteen and for a week he couldn't stop crying whenever Bucky timidly suggested he go to class or even just looked at him.

He couldn't be around anyone like this. Especially not Bucky; when he was likely to hurt him or make him uncomfortable with his tears.

Taking another deep breath, Steve turned the lock on his door and pulled out a book, getting ready to hunker down for however long it took for him to calm down. Even if it took days.


End file.
